He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
