There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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