I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize