Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
