so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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