WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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