I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize