Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
