I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize