thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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