3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
