those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
