Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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