he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize