I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
