So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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