Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
