The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
