1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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