omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
