the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
