Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
