I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
