I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
