Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize