Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize