the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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