Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
