Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
home. puking in laundry basket.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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