Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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