Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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