So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
