i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
