Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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