Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
