I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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