No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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