And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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