so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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