spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
