honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
