You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
