Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
