Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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