Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
