I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize