What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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