I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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