Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
