I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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