im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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