I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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