at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
