you're like a bully in the Christmas story
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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