omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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