i barfeds in our rink
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
