I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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