Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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