the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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