Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
