He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
