Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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