Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
