god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
