I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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