Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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