he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
