hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
