You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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