Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
