Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
