dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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