the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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