Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
