We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
