I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
