i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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