Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
