I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
