But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize