I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
