So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
