We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
