I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
