4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
