I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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