I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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