I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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