Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
