omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
