Screwed.edu
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
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