I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Randomize
