My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
