I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
