I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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