sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
