why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
