mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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