her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
