What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
