just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
